The other day Dan caught me squeezing ice cream chocolate syrup onto my finger and licking it off. It was a moment of self weakness. Definitely qualifies as our most embarrassing relationship moment so far. It was the kind of thing you only do when you are single and don't live with anybody else. I had not had chocolate for DAYS. I was TIRED. And I needed something SWEET. I opened the fridge and gazed at the contents internally willing a chocolate cake to magically appear. It did not. Since there was nothing in the house I desperately reached for the ice cream syrup and squeezed the tiniest bit on my finger and greedily licked it off. When Dan came around the corner he caught me dead in my tracks. Embarrassing. I mean Dan's my husband and all, but there is not need for him to see me like a junkie shooting up a dark alley.
Tonight Dan bought me truffles. "There is no need for that to ever happen again." He said while patting me on the head condescendingly. He has managed to bring up "The Chocolate Incident" five times in the last two days and keeps referring to my need for chocolate rehab.
"Shut-up!" I said angrily as I reached for the my Special K cereal and began picking out all the yogurt bits and popping them into my mouth.
"Want to know what your problem is?" Dan said with a smirk.
"What?" Not really wanting to know.
"You are a grazer. Unless I cook something for you, you will never make something for yourself. Its like the second you get hungry you are so overcome with famine that you can't..."
Dan stops because I am glaring at him with an are you seriously analyzing your wife's eating habits look. "That I can't what?" I said, daring him to finish.
"That you can't even put your cereal into a bowl or your chocolate on ice cream."
I stare down at the Special K box that now contains no more yogurt bits.