Fake Baker

I am a white girl. I'm so white my foundation color is "clear." Seriously. This girl needs some color. Lucky for me, my apartment complex has a free tanning bed (that is not gross nor ghetto) because the sun only shows its face once every four days in Spokane these days.

Yesterday I got home from work at noon and bounded down to the clubhouse to get some fake sun. But when I got down there...someone was using it. This was irritating because nobody is ever in the tanning beds and it really ruined my lunch break.

When I got home from work I immediately went back to the clubhouse, the tanning bed was still being used. I then went down every hour on the hours for FIVE HOURS. I was continually greeted by the "do not disturb" sign. I started getting concerned. What if someone died in there? What is somebody literally cooked themselves to death in the unregulated tanning bed? (What an awful death!)

Today I went down to the clubhouse, promising myself that if it was being used again I would contact the maintenance man to let them know there was a dead person in the tanning bed. Luckily it was open...but when I went in all I could think about was how many people had used this tanning bed the prior day....

I cleaned the tanning bed. Three times. Can't be too careful.

Maybe I'll just embrace my whiteness. Cancer never looked good on me anyways.